DEAR H&H

My boyfriend enjoys chats on gay.com and bear411.   I was told through a mutual Internet acquaintance, who didn't know we were together, that my boyfriend said he is single.   His online profiles also leave off his relationship status. While they don't say he's "Single" they don't say "Monogamously coupled" either.

Anyway, I found X-rated pictures, as well as sexual e-mails he had sent to another cub that lives nearby.

I guess my questions to you guys are: Is he cheating? How do I approach him about chatting online? Do I even need to approach him? Do I need to stay in this relationship?

Worried in Wachovia

Send your questions to Hot & Heavy

HOT: Ugh, men are dogs . . .

HEAVY: You’re so helpful. This coming from the queen of late night chats. What’s your screen name again? PowerBottom something or other?

HOT: That’s Mr. PowerBottom to you, bitch.

HEAVY: Whatever. We get asked about monogamy all the time. And it depends on the couple. Some need a one on one exclusive relationship. Some others are happy sowing the wild oats all over town. It’s what works for you and what you are comfortable with.

Above all - it’s about trust, which obviously has been breached in your case. You don’t trust him, and you’re looking for evidence of wrong doings – that’s bad. His online antics may be nothing more than a little cyber cruising, but if that bothers you – you can try to get him to change (not likely) or it’s time to move on.