Chewin' the Fat - march 14, 2008

When did you first identify with the bear community?

Here is what you told us -

I was in Huntsville, Alabama, there was a leather bar and a drag bar, I had long hair and a beard and stuck out like a sore thumb, this was 1986 or so and (insultingly) some of the queens asked why I didn't "clean up", it was disgusting to them,they said, "you look like a big ole bear!" Then in 1990, the love of my life (still together to this day) walked up to me andsaid, "wow! I never expected to meet a bear in this small town!" He was from Atlanta.

It was back when I was in high school when I noticed I was more masculine than the rest of the gay guys. They would ALWAYS try to make a fashion statement while just wore jeans and a t-shirt. Looked up"hairy gay men" on the net and found out about the bear community. Now, most guys called me a bear since I act and look older.

For me, it was when I was in college in NC. I went on a date with a guy and he kept talking about how he was into cubs and such, and not knowing what the hell he was talking about but thinking he was soooo cute I just agreed. Later he explained the Bear, Cub, Wolf, Otter distinctions and I said yeah I guess I do fit the cub description and I am very aroused by the bear image so there we go. I am a cub and proud to be so, yet sometimes it feels we can be just as divided as the other gay group we felt excluded from.

I've always been a hairy man. As far back as high school, I can remember being more hairy than most. I'd get stares from the other guys in my gym class like I was some sort of freak. At the time, I was a little embarrassed. It wasn't until about 5 years ago (I'm now 46 years old) that I knew there was a name for men like me. I have to say now that I'm proud for being a Bear!

Always was a big bear, even in 1972 when I came out. I used to wear a fake fur coat and with my natural fur back and front. I was a bear to even the so called straight college jocks in the shower. Always been a bear in fur.

I was still married (to a woman) and wondered how a larger / hairy man fit in the gay world. I found gay.com and looked around. I started my screen name as "rookiebear" LOL. My friends now tell me to change that to "EXPERIENCEDbear." But I'm happy with that name still. That's where I found that there were people who liked all types. After divorce and coming out, I quickly found the bear community to be accepting - but - also at times still very divided.