Have you been fingered lately?
A reader responds . . .
I just received my first newsletter from the group. Browsing through former newsletters, I opened the March 13, 2007, issue and was PLEASED to see that you have addressed the issue of gay/bear men getting prostate screenings. I have been having this procedure done for years.....ever since I turned about "the big 50." I must admit that I somewhat enjoyed the urologist doing the DRE (Digital Rectal Exam), not because I am into any anal activities, but rather that he is a great looking guy. Very friendly, takes his time explaining to you what is about to happen, what he has found in his exams, etc., etc. Yes, I have had a deep feeling towards him for years.
Anyway – In June ’04, I did my regular PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) test AND the DRE. I was told by my doctor that the lump he has been feeling for sometime had grown in size (he talked about this with me when he first found it, and explained that we would be keeping a close eye on this just in case). And in conjunction with the PSA blood test, I found that it had increased from my last visit. He advised me to let him do a biopsy just to be sure. I consented and after some 12 tissue samples later, and the biopsy being examined by a lab that specifically takes these samples for diagnosis, I had one portion of one of the samples that was positive for cancer. He explained that this cancer was a common one in men that many men never know they have it, and they live long healthy lives without any problems from the cancer, and that it was not a type that metastasizes (spreads).
But years ago I had decided - from my father-in-law dying from cancer (NOT prostate) and other people I had seen go through chemotherapy and end up dying anyway - that IF "they" ever found cancer in my body, and it could be taken out, that I wanted it out. So in July ’04, I had my second major surgery, and now I am free of the cancer. I had blood drawn yesterday for PSA screening, and will be seeing my urologist in a few days to get his report. SO FAR I have been "cancer free" for almost three years.
But the after surgery adjustment has been pure hell. I have had NO problems with pain, or with incontinence, BUT - even tho' he claimed he practiced "nerve sparing" surgery, and I wholeheartedly believe him - nerves were severed and for two years I have been impotent. Quite a drastic change from being active with other men for over seven or eight years, and then the power was turned off.... I spoke with him in one of my post op office visits and almost completely broke down in tears when I told him, "I never knew it would be like this." His usually smiling face suddenly turned into what I assumed was a shocked reaction, but he said nothing. I still put all my confidence in him.
However, over the past year, I have resumed contact with other men and have found that "things are changing" but nothing that can be stated as "normal." I am able to masturbate by applying pressure around the base of my penis so it is somewhat rigid. And being uncut, I am able to create the stimulation needed to achieve orgasm/climax. However, I have to urinate and empty my bladder as much as possible, or I will ejaculate urine, and that is not a liquid I like to have splattered over my body.
But I AM CANCER FREE. I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR.
All of this to say that I want to thank you for telling other guys that PSA's and DRE's are very, very important when a man reaches about 35-40 years. And I would encourage men of that age to get in touch with one of the prostate cancer information and support groups - USToo is the one I joined AFTER my surgery. They can help you get through all the ups and downs of the surgery and adjusting to life after that.
So keep up the reminders for the exams that will save a man’s life.
Survivor in Austin, TX