Bear Bones

Yes - like every good gay man on the planet, I went to see 300.

SF Movie Bears  went to see 300 on IMAX.  First of all, you gotta love it when a whole bunch of bears invade any public space.  WOOF!!  “OMG – Honey, I got cruised at the movies . . .” And in the food court, and at the ATM, and . . . well, you get the point. 

So the audience was an interesting mix.  A combination Harry Potter meets Lord of the Rings meets comic book gamer, with a little Star Wars thrown in.  But most of the bears were there for the leather Speedos.  And they weren’t disappointed.

If you went expecting cinematic brilliance, I imagine you were disappointed.  If you went for beefcake, well there was eye candy for days.  However, I do have to admit about half way through I began wondering if the Spartans might be better served  with a little body armor – but then again that would have hid there pecs.   It’s like the guy that goes to the bar in his muscle shirt in January.  “Yeah, its friggin’ cold, but I worked my ass off to get these biceps dammit and you will appreciate them.”

So what’s not to love about mostly naked brawny men in leather (and a few harnesses and chainmail for variety)?  Oh, that annoying spurting blood thing?  It doesn’t seem to lessen the glisten on the hero’s mighty abs.   And the hero has come a long way.  Let’s not forget this is the same guy that played Phantom.  Yep, look it up.  Show tunes and abs, is there anything this man can’t do?

I guess as a bear, I only have 2 complaints - 300 glistening chests with six pack abs, but not a single hair.  When in the world did they find time to wax?  “The enemy is approaching?  Damn, I haven’t finished shaving.”    And, why was Xerxes - you know the bad guy threatening to destroy the Spartans and make their women and children slaves - a 12 foot tall drag queen?

It's raining 300 men