We asked, here's what you told us . . .
To me, it comprises a lot of qualities: relaxed, manly, furry, full-size, and comfortable in your own skin. I guess if I have to fit in a category, I'd choose "bear". Not necessarily because I am those things I described, but because I strive towards them.
For me being a bear means being comfortable with who I am and with my body. Oh like most I do need to improve in many ways but I don't beat up myself because I don't look like the classic gay AF (anorexia and finch) smooth skinny boy.
It means excepting others no matter what.
For me it’s just being me. I'm always going to be a bigger man, just hopefully a lot smaller this year. I just need to work on the body image. I think being a bear is about a community as much as being an individual. I went on a cruise with 200 bears this last fall. I felt ok with my shirt off for the first time ever. It doesn't mean I don't want to be healthier. It does mean I didn't feel like a freak. That was major for me.
To me and my husbear, being a bear means we are comfortable with who we are, and we are happy. We don't fit into any of the stereotypes of gay men that our families and co-workers have. We find that in public and in groups we are readily accepted by other bears and tend to gravitate in their direction (as at a recent concert where there was a definite "bear section".) Our lives revolve around each other, our home, and our friends and families, not the latest fashion trend or the hippest new bar in town and generally find our non-bear gay friends materialistic and vacuous. Our largest concern is who took out the trash, are we painting the guest bedroom, and where are we eating tonight?
To me, being a bear means being comfortable with myself. I don't need to fit into any mold or stereotype. I no longer feel like I need to lose weight or shave or do anything to get someone to fall in love with me. I remember going to my first Bear party. I used to have a rule that I had to see at least 3 people with bodies that were bigger or worse in shape than me before I took my shirt off at a dance. At this party, I saw a guy who easily weighed 400 pounds and he had 5 little guys hanging off every part of his body and was wearing nothing but some VERY tight shorts. I thought to myself that if he can feel that comfortable in his own skin, why can't I. Since then, I live my life without shame. Without feeling like I need to change myself in order to fit someone else’s mold.
Being a "bear" is more of a mindset. It’s about the love and fellowship that is in the community known as bears. There are so many sections to the gay community, my hubby and I are very proud to call ourselves BEARS! Bears, Cubs, you name it if it’s a big hairy guy with a heart he probably has a heart of gold and deserves the respect that comes with the term "bear".A bear is all about being big and cuddly.A real bear in nature is cute, cuddly and down-right adorable....but he's intimidating, strong, and has a powerful presence when he has to have it. I guess the same holds true in my defintion of a bear (hehe).
